Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
