i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
