Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
