I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
