what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
