Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
