Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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