some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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