I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
