I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think your dad took our porno
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
