I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
