I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
