i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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