I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
