i would punch a child for taco bell
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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