i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
