i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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