it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
