Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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