they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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