I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
