The maid of honor just puked.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just googled if crying burns calories
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
