look no pants
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
