living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
