he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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