I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
