If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
