no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
