I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
