Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
