Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
