I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
