I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
and you fell through a lawn chair
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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