Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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