Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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