Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
