Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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