You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
