This is not my ceiling
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
