why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
