the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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