yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
