Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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