dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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