and you said cock pushups were impossible
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
