vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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