If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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