Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
