I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You had me at "let me see your balls"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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