Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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