no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
